Some stray thoughts

Some stray thoughts

A large  number of successful persons I have come across in my life, including those living abroad, have come from families where parents were either teachers or were from defence forces. Amongst those whose parents or either of the parents was teacher, a large number of such parents were from primary education. Parents or fathers from defence forces understandably came mostly from army.

The common thread in both cases, as I understand, could be a certain level of discipline and regularity in life. Teachers' children could have had possibly more grounding in terms of character building and value systems. These children would have also understood the value of resources, particularly money, better than many others.. They generally had the advantage of stability, parents transfers not being very frequent. Children coming from defence forces' background on the other hand would have had advantage of exposure and better opportunities to socialise. With regular change of postings,  schools, friends and social context would be changing, bringing about opportunities to learn in diverse conditions and situations.. Those who had to live with their mothers alone, due to frequent postings of father like in infantry,  would have got training to  mature early in age. 

In both the cases what was common was scarcity of resources, character building through discipline and a nice structured way of upbringing.

If one is asked, from the job or career perspective, which are the  best institutions to work for in our  country, one can think of Indian Defence Forces and some of the best institutions of higher learning. Indian Defence Forces would generally present the picture of Indian Army and institutions of higher learning immediately draw one's attention to institutions of national importance like Indian Institutes of Technology, Indian Institutes of Management and Indian Institute of Science. Structurally these are two completely different sets of institutions. Historically, culturally and functionally too these are two different kinds of institutions. In terms of culture and functionality these are opposite. Defence forces are very structured and hierarchy is sacrosanct.  Command or order is the buzz word. In academic institution freedom is the key word. In the best academic institutions decision making is based on consensus preceded by discussions and debate. In the army or defence forces it is control, command and order. Yet both produce excellent leaders and professionals. What is common in both is commitment and sense of belongingness of the people who form these institutions. In case of defence it is the system which strives or drives the individuals to deliver their best. In the case of academia it is the individual's contribution which takes the value of the institute to another high, making the system worth more emulating.

Do Not Just COMPETE

Do Not Just COMPETE

Competition is considered as an essential ingredient, if not a prerequisite, for success. One competes to win. While competing to win anyhow, one often forgets whether the means used are fair or not, desire for success being so overwhelming. Competition creates a sense of urgency and of restlessness despite increasing energy through flow of adrenal. The downside of unprincipled competition is losing friends, associates and well wishers. The winner takes it all and the loser is left with a feeling of loss. “Healthy Competition” term is used when positive flavor is to be given to the term “Competition”. It is for the losers to first understand and appreciate the reasons for not winning and then work on strategies and practice to win. Thus, like beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder “Healthy” in “Healthy Competition” is to be felt by the loser. This is truer in sports and games. In today’s world competition is largely not healthy.

Competition may not always be necessary. 

Collaborate, cooperate and contribute should be the mantra for growth, happiness and success. Today, with the advancement of Information Communication Technologies, collaboration has become easier, faster and more effective. Tools and technologies offer a wide array of choices to collaborate. The opportunities to collaborate at work place, in professional, social and personal space, with associates, relatives and friends are numerous. Collaboration needs to be well thought through before being initiated. One needs to know the purpose, people and the time frame before one gets into collaborative frameworks.

Cooperation is a natural corollary and a requirement for collaboration. There may be a number of situations where one cooperates without collaborating, for example, cooperation with the boss, the colleagues and the subordinates at workplace, with the siblings at home and with class fellows in school or college. Cooperation creates goodwill and synergy. It increases the speed of learning. When one cooperates one feels good. When one feels good, the learning process expedites. When one learns, one feels happy. Again when happy one cooperates further and learns faster and feels happier. This is a cycle. Collaboration and cooperation create better environment for the happiness and growth of the people involved in the process. The happier the person more he or she contributes to the common good. While doing so, the person grows glows and shines. This may be a much better and easier process of personal growth than competition. Success through competition may evoke a temporary feeling of success but success through collaboration and cooperation evokes a longer lasting feeling. This is akin to increasing the size of the cake itself rather than fighting for the slices of the same cake.

One should not talk in terms of achievements or even in terms of performance. It should be in terms of contribution. It is more important to think and say as to what is one’s contribution to one’s school, college or university or to one’s company or organization where one works or lives or in society rather than the position one holds in these spheres of life. One who contributes selflessly is a much bigger achiever in life and society in the long run than the one who reaches certain level of positions in life. After a person or position is gone he is known for his contribution in making this world a better place rather than his personal attainments.

Pleasing a woman ; some basics

Pleasing a woman ; some basics

Pleasing a woman requires understanding women.


Woman, being gentle, soft, and strong yet fragile, needs careful handling. Improper handling of a woman may result in unintended consequences and undesirable results. She's a bundle of contradictions. If not handled carefully may even prove injurious to health.



 In case of adversities woman proves stronger than man.. The woman has grit and mettle. She is usually more firm and courageous than generally understood. Apart from just love, woman needs attention, affection and expression. More than just praise woman wants genuine appreciation. She loves to be pampered.



Woman likes men with courtesy, etiquette and good manners. Woman likes gentle, suave and caring type men.



Some Do’s and Don’ts;



Listen not only patiently but also carefully. Listening, as an art, can be developed in the company of a woman. This could be the best 'Take Away' for a man from a woman. Listen more and talk less.



Get up from the chair when a woman enters a room or place where you are already seated. This may sound outdated and to some even outlandish but this way of respecting and acknowledging the presence of the female is very much liked and appreciated. The man should not sit down till she sits down. Likewise is to be done when she leaves the place.



Serve her first and do not start unless she starts, in formal or official meetings. During informal settings one should be the first to offer her first even if one is not the host.



Open the car door for woman while receiving her or seeing her off.



Do not miss the opportunity of saying a few good words about the attire or the dress depending on the occasion. Knowledge of fabric material, garments and dresses as well as available brands and the market can be of great help.



If one is close to the woman one may even comment on the colour of the lipstick or nail polish or eye lashes. If one really understands one may even comment on the pedicure, manicure and make up etc. in a positive tone.



Do not praise her but admire or even adore her if necessary.



Comments like "It seems you are going to gym these days" are always pleasing to the ears of a woman. It is better than saying you have slimmed down.



Do not tell a woman that lately she has gained weight.



Avoiding and ignoring a woman, more than annoys her.



Do not be on a cell phone or do not look the other way, having taken a woman out for shopping.



Do not praise woman in the neighbourhood, a female colleague or wife or girlfriend of another friend in front of the woman you are trying to please.